Little Lawrence (joke)
Little lawrence was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious.
He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from
the older boys, and he
wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his
mother, who became rather
flustered. Instead of explaining things to
Lawrence ,she told him
to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his
older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, lawrence
described EVERYTHING
to his mother.
"'Sis and her boyfriend sat and
talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started
kissing and hugging her.
I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her
face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand
inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would.Except he's
not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
I guess he was getting sick too ,because pretty soon both of them started
panting and gettin all out of breath. His other hand must of been cold because
he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and
sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when
her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really
hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick --
a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood
there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it
from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared --her eyes got big,
and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuf like that.
She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the
ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the
eel by biting its head off .All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and
held it tight while
he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over
the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so
she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The
eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the ouch.
I guess they wanted to kill the eel by
squashing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a
great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew
because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis
and her boyfriend were a little tired from the
battle, but they went back to
courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel
wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are
like cats-- they have nine lives or something .This time, Sis jumped up and
tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they
finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel
its skin off and flush it down the
toilet."